How not to be an oppressive shit when describing me, featuring common errors - which is a depressingly long list. Also, no one is entitled to any of this info (particularly surgery/genital stuff). That I have chosen to share it here does not entitle anyone to ask me or anyone else for this sort of info.

None of this list describes ‘political correctness.’ That is a scare term used to uphold bigoted language. This is ways to talk about me that are LITERALLY, factually correct, rather than terms based in oppressive untruths. Hurling oppressive terms at trans people (or any other marginalized group) is not a daring act of rebellion against a ‘politically correct’ regime - rather, it is upholding and enforcing the oppressive status quo.

So, above all, in the words of a very wise person, the following applies to everyone, you and me included:

You are human. You are worthy of respect. You deserve to be treated with the same dignity as anyone else. There is nothing inherently wrong with your gender. You are not broken, you are not disgusting, you do not deserve to be hurt.

GEN(D)ERAL

• My gender is sometimes female/woman, sometimes genderqueer, and sometimes a squishier mix of these. Because of this variation, I am genderfluid.
• Genderfluid is not my gender. My gender is female, or genderqueer, or both.
• Being trans does not in any way diminish the fact that I’m a woman.
• Being a woman does not in any way diminish the fact that I’m trans.
• Being genderqueer does not in any way diminish the fact that I’m a woman.
• And so on.
• Pronouns: she/her/her/hers are usually good, unless you’re using them to undercut my genderqueerness. They/them/their/theirs are good too, unless you’re using them to undercut my femaleness.
• Pronouns that don’t imply a gender are fine if you’re using them for people in general, but not if you’re trying to undercut my gender/s.
• He/him/his/his and it/it/its/its are never acceptable.
• My REAL name is my current one. My birth name is an outdated, inaccurate, and insulting means of referring to me.
• If you’re going to be pushy, you may imagine that the name I was given at birth is the sound of someone punching themself in the face for being such a nosy bigot. You’re welcome.
• I don’t ‘look like’ a man, or a cis woman, or what-have-you. I look like a genderfluid woman and genderqueer person, because that is who I am and I “look like” me. 

MISC TRANS STUFF

• I’m not ‘MtF.’ I was never male. I’m not strictly female all the time either. I’ll accept, facetiously, ‘WTF’ from people I trust.
• Trans, trans*, transgender, and transsexual are all words that describe me. They are all adjectives, not nouns. I am not ‘a transgender,’ ‘the transgender,’ or one of a group of ‘transgenders.’ These are both inaccurate and harmful, as they reflect a lot of othering tactics.
• If we aren’t specifically talking about trans/cis stuff, going out of your way to mention that I’m trans is othering: refer to the satirical “Cisgender News” to understand how weird this is.
• I am NOT a ‘woman trapped in a man’s body.’ My body is mine, and I am (a woman/genderqueer), hence this is a (woman’s/genderqueer) body.
• I was NOT ‘born in the wrong body.’ Parts of my body have been twisted out of shape by testosterone, and this is distressing and painful.
• A lifetime of cis culture made me hate my body. I’ve gradually and painfully unlearned a lot of that, and no longer hate my body nearly as much (which is a privilege). While hating my body amplified the pain from bodily dissonance, quelling that did not actually stop my dissonance or affect my need for surgery.
• I’m never ‘cross’-dressing. If you think I am, you’re wrong. If I say I am, I’m being facetious.

SEX

• While in a binary space, my sex is female. I was born female, and am female-bodied, female-sexed, biologically female, naturally female, really female, genetically female, and so on.
• If you’re cis, and you attempt to differentiate yourself from trans people by using one of the above terms (or similar), you are actively denying our genders. This triggers my past and ongoing experiences with oppression and degendering, and I will be very angry at you for having hurt me.
• What I am NOT is CIS, and dfab. I was coercively labeled male at birth.
• My sex is also dyadic, and I have dyadic privilege.

CHEST

• I have breasts/tits/boobs/etc., the related words are fine.
• I did not get implants, and it’s really obnoxious and othering to ask about that just ‘cause I’m trans.
• If I had augmented my breasts with implants (or if I ever do so in the future), this would not make them ‘fake,’ ‘artificial,’ un-‘natural,’ or any other such inaccurate and oppressive term. It would make them augmented with implants.

CROTCH

• I have a cock.
• I do not have ‘male parts.” They’re parts of me. Attaching gendered cultural baggage to my genitals without my consent is deeply cissexist; they’re only given gendered context by the person they’re attached to.
• Sometimes I like to use my cock in penetrative sex. This is not a ‘man’s role;’ it’s my role, and I’m not a man. Nor is it necessarily dominant, which is a hetcispatriarchal idea.
• If you’re referring to my cock in a medical or scientific sense, ‘penis’ still isn’t ~just accurate.~ ‘Glans’ works.
• DO NOT CALL IT ANYTHING ELSE. Any other term is incorrect. It’s not a penis or a dick, or pretty much any other slang term. These also squick me out or hurt me.
• What I should have / need to have is a cunt, other usual synonyms are fine too.

DISSONANCE/DYSPHORIA

• As noted above, I need a cunt, and currently have a cock.
• My dysphoria is worse when I’m genderqueer than when I’m female. This is not weird or contradictory. If you think it is, you have some cissexist/binarist beliefs to work over (for example, thinking that non-binary genders are just a mix of or ‘in-between’ male and female, or thinking that cunts are more natural for female folks to have).
• Asking me probing questions about my crotch or my medical history, when you are not doing the same thing to cis people, is treating me like a freak, and is unacceptable.
• The procedure I’ll be getting should be called genital reconstruction surgery (grs) - or more specifically, vaginoplasty. It is NOT a ‘sex change’ or any other bullshit like that. Calling it such is inaccurate and based on insulting beliefs. Genital reconstruction surgery is what it literally is.
• It’s a medically necessary procedure for my dissonance - not cosmetic surgery, mutilation, or any other inaccurate and biased term.
• Getting grs will not ‘make me a woman’ or ‘making me fully female’ or ‘finish my transition’ (or undermine my genderqueerness) or any other bullshit like that. It will make me go from having bodily dissonance and needing a cunt to not having bodily dissonance and having a cunt. And probably being a lot happier with any sex I have. That is all.
• My facial hair and pretty much any visible hair on my torso, while sparse, makes me extremely dysphoric. Please don’t talk about it, ever, especially if it’s particularly noticeable.

SLURS

• Though I will occasionally use the word “tranny” when spitefully talking about bigots - e.g. ‘BioLife refuses to take my dirty tranny blood’ - it’s a slur that I allow NO ONE else to use about me, whether individually or when talking about trans people in general.
• Similarly, words like ‘shemale’ and most of all ‘trap’ are immensely triggering. If you use these in my presence, do not be surprised or defensive if I react as though you’ve been screaming obscenities and threats at me, as that’s a lot LESS harmful and oppressive to me.

SOCIALIZATION

• I did not have a ‘male socialization’ growing up.
• Though I didn’t consciously understand my gender when I was younger, I did (usually) recognize other girls as like-me and boys as not-like-me, and internalized all the cultural messages I saw about girls and women.
• I was told I was male / a boy / a man, and similarly knew what was expected of me on that count.
• In short, my socialization was a huge tangled complicated mess, and attempts to simplify it are woefully inaccurate and rooted in biased misconceptions of trans lives.
• I did receive some privileges while passing as male, such as better treatment in math courses. This was not ‘male privilege’ but ‘passing as male privilege,’ since I am not and never was actually male.
• I never did receive the aspects of male privilege related to recognizing male dominance in our society, as I was not actually a member of that group but an interloper.

GENDER NORMS

• I hate the terms ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ being applied to me, it always feels like I’m being shoehorned into “really just a man after all!!1!” or some gross stereotype about feminine women.
• If you must, describe me as androgynous, or some combination like girlybutch or tomboy femme.
• Don’t ever call something I do ‘manly’ if it’s traditionally seen as masculine. Especially not if it’s meant as a compliment. Seeing ‘manliness’ as a superior trait is extremely sexist.
• I’ll occasionally refer to myself as ‘butchy’ or ‘femmey,’ but I’m usually being facetious.

POLITICS

• I don’t have a responsibility to educate anyone. For crying out loud, if you’re reading this, you have access to Google. search for ‘trans 101.’
• If someone does something hurtful to me, I am not at fault for not educating them, for not acting or dressing like they expected, for not looking like they expected, or any other reason.
• Going up to me and asking me to educate you is not educating yourself.
• I don’t have a responsibility to break down the cis-tem.
• I don’t have a responsibility to subvert the binary.
• I don’t have a responsibility to challenge gender roles.
• I don’t have a responsibility to fight heteronormativity.
• I don’t have a responsibility to fight any system which is actively oppressing me; I am trying to SURVIVE these systems.
• (However, I *do*, of course, have a responsibility to fight systems of oppression that *benefit* me, such as racism and imperialism. Even though these systems may harm me in some ways (like how patriarchy hurts men too), they do not oppress me.)
• My existence is not a political act. My gender is not a statement or an assault on the binary, even if it is perceived as such. It is not edgy, subversive, radical, cool, or anything else along these lines.

None of the above has any bearing on the gender identities or expressions of others and applies only to my own.

And, just to recap:

You are human. You are worthy of respect. You deserve to be treated with the same dignity as anyone else. There is nothing inherently wrong with your gender. You are not broken, you are not disgusting, you do not deserve to be hurt.