wait so genderqueer has certain connotations that arent friendly to AMAB people? I thought it was open for all non-binary people???
Not so much in theory, but definitely in practice. Look at the genderqueer tag on here and see how many DMAB folks you see. See what the ratio is of transfemininity to transmasculinity. Look at the "first ever gender-queer clothing boutique" that only sells “a menswear collection for those who were born female.” Search google for anything relating to genderqueer identities, and it’s dominated by DFAB and transmasculine people.
And it’s not just limited to genderqueer and non-binary trans* identities. It’s seemingly all trans* discourse. For example, a while back I went to a workshop on transmisogyny. Half the people involved were trans guys who dominated the discussion with talk about their experiences. Ask yourself if you’ve ever been to an event like this one in which trans women are just an afterthought.
Yes, genderqueer absolutely belongs to all of us, but it seems to me that it’s the DFAB folks and the transmasculine folks who take up the most space under the genderqueer heading.
urgggghhh this makes me so frustrated too ‘cause it’s not like there were existing cultural connotations abt the word ‘genderqueer’, it is that dfab genderqueer people actively and energetically work to exclude us.
this isn’t like ‘oh how unfortunate’, this is something you and yours created
it’s also really fucking telling how hard dfab genderqueers push to make ‘genderqueer’ automatically understood to mean dfab genderqueers, making us the marked other. and how fucking hard they push back against any effort to try and name this and what’s going on, accusing us of binarism and cissexism if we don’t accept a place as marked other and them as default.
like it’s particularly ironic because it 100% parallels terfs who despise the term ‘cis’ being applied to them and spin all sorts of bullshit stories about how this is OPPRESSING THEM and ‘woman’ of course just includes cis women~~~ like wow transmisogynists of a feather much?
I know, automatically, that if I see a post abt “genderqueer resources” or “for genderqueer people” or “promoting genderqueer people” it will focus 100% on dfab genderqueers.
and oh my fucking god don’t even get me started abt how much i despise the fucking “GENDERQUEER CLOTHING LINE!!! Menswear for female-bodied people!!!!”
or how a v masculine dfab genderqueer person who does not ever id as a woman bullied me out of a queer women’s space with constant commentary abt ‘male-bodied’ and ‘female-bodied’ ughghghghghghghhhh (like seriously if you are not a target of transmisogyny there is absolutely no call for you to use those descriptors and you can get right the fuck out)
like. for a little more context on this, I’m bigender/genderfluid, I vary btw woman and genderqueer. there are lots times when having to call myself a ‘trans woman’ for shorthand is horribly dysphoric and misgendering myself with the ‘woman’ part and i really wish we had better language for this-
-but it’s still far, far better than I could hope to get from trusting fucking dfab genderqueers.
A proposed new (non-binary inclusive) trans* symbol.
Not gonna lie, I got a little giddy when I saw it.
I really like it. Aw man.
I like it, but there’s kind of one little issue here to consider, namely the campaign’s “about” from Facebook:
Supporting the freedom for males to wear clothing and accessories of their choice without unwarranted bullying and discrimination and the stereotypes and labels of gender.
There’s gonna be some shit caught up in any group with a goal like that: anything that focuses exclusively on “males” makes my MRA-hole antennae go up, and anything like that is probably gonna try to redefine my fat trans woman ass as a “male.”
I smell MRA-hole shit all over this, and I don’t like it one bit. The sad part is that it could probably easily be realigned to remove the MRAsshattery, but you know how the MRA types roll…
I don’t want my new symbol affiliated with anything MRA-holeish at all, thanks.
any “new symbol” not created by a collective of radical trans women holds zero interest to me
prince already did this way better.
No. Absolutely not. I will leave the trans community. I am not joking.
any “new symbol” not created by a collective of radical trans women holds zero interest to me
this person uses genderqueer to mean nonconforming to gender stereotypes. “who’s ready to be liberated from gender?” agh no stop
Ready to be “liberated from gender” + MRAssholery? I dunno smells like some patriarchal-ass weaksauce whitey mchonky bullshit to me.
"we’re going to abolish gender!!! coincidentally we will be starting with yours.”
I do believe this already visually includes nonbinary identities without emphasizing the fucking asterisk that cis people keep jumping on to say shit like ‘sometimes I do drag, I totally understand!’
there’s also this:
the lower left is based on the Mars and Venus symbols combined; for nonbinary people whose gender/s encompass, combine, or vary between maleness and femaleness.
The center is the Null symbol, like the empty set; for genderless people.
The upper right circle is for other genders, unrelated to maleness or femaleness.
I did not come up with that symbol, ftr, just boosting it. I don’t remember where I first saw the above symbol proposed nor whether where I saw it was the source; apologies. My google searches were unfortunately unproductive; the poor quality above is from me shittily reproducing from memory in MS paint. (reverse google image searching my ms paint thing also didn’t turn up anything relevant.)
It is pretty big and possibly unwieldy. For simplicity, ease of writing it, etc. it could be simplified to this:
…which still carries the three different symbol meanings in less room and with only one circle involved. (the upper right changed to just a line - like mars and venus, but with no pointer or crossbar like them, just doing its own thing)
also if you turn it 45 degrees counterclockwise, it kinda looks like a flower with the sun rising behind it. That’s not related to anything, though.
Rotating it 180 or something might also be a good idea, I don’t know.
on women’s day heres to all the gender variant babes who do not identify strictly as binary women.
your identities are forever erased and invalidated by our binaristic cissexist society.
your stories and voices are called lies and laughed at.
but your gender(s) and bodies are valid, precious, and glorious.
your survival and your existence are testaments to the power you hold.
and you deserve so much damn more.
It’s like saying, “I would RATHER you call me by these pronouns.”
When it should be, “No. You will call me by these pronouns. No questions asked. End of story.”
YES. SO MUCH. it isn’t a ‘preference’ it is the only correct way/s to talk about me asshole.
Some of us were born the gender we are now, and some of us lived as our assigned gender for a while then transitioned to something different.
Some of us are or were trapped, and some of us feel that there are no traps.
We don’t all require or desire the same things to feel comfortable, whole or complete.
There is not one standard trans narrative. We each have our own stories.
Where language gets problematic is when we aren’t the ones telling our own stories; when our narratives are reduced to cis-friendly tidbits.
It’s okay to talk about being trapped; it’s okay to say you were born a boy or a girl and are now something else. It’s not okay when the media would have society at large believe that there is only one way to be trans.
When reading things written by other trans folk, please remember that they may not tell their story the same way that you would. We are a community of many voices, not just one.
Submitted by http://fromembersandashes.tumblr.com/
And let’s remember that not everyone uses the terms you use, and not everyone finds the terms you find offensive to be so.
Anonymous asked you:
I’m sorry, this might not be the best place to ask this, but how do I get about understanding my gender identity? (I’m fifteen, raised female, madly tomboyish, and attracted to women). It’s just that it’s so many mornings I look in the mirror and I want to throw up or cry because it’s like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me, but not like, “ew acne” or “oh shit look at my hair” that I can fix. I don’t have anyone in real life I can really talk to about this kind of thing.
By all means, I’m glad you asked! (And congratulations - reaching out on stuff like this, talking about it, admitting it to yourself can be super hard!) I don’t know how much help I can be, so just in case the rest of this is unhelpful - tumblfriends, any suggestions of good nonbinary communities / trans men communities?
Anyway. I… really know what you mean when it comes to looking in the mirror and being horrified and wanting to cry, not over acne or ugly, but because it’s just so WRONG. :( *offers hugs and support!* You’re not alone!
First off, even before everything I have to say (a lot) I’m going to point you to this ‘trans 101 for trans people’, because it is wonderful and brings me to tears. If nothing else, read that! Now… I’m going to recount my understanding-my-gender-identity experience w/ commentary here first, then go over a bunch of more general stuff, if you want to skip one or the other.
Personally, probably the most important thing it took for me was letting myself be wrong; that I could make guesses and explore things and search myself without having to carve anything in stone, that that could come later. Unfortunately, of course, a lot of cis people and some trans people would see this as a reason to dismiss everything, and hence it had to be private / with very trusted-on-this-front people. But it helped; I was pretty oblivious and didn’t understand that all my gender-related Feels were related to not being a man (and didn’t even know the word transgender or anything!) until I was 18. And then, it took me over a YEAR of agonizing and reading up on stuff and battling my self-hate and whatnot before I could finally put words to it and admit ‘okay yes this is me, i’m not a man, i am a woman, i am trans.’ Though of course YMMV immensely. And even then, the horrible ‘UGH what if I’m wrong what if i’m really just a fucked-up boy after all’/’i’ll never be seen as anything but a man’ etc. feelings were still there, and took basically a lot of time (again, in my case, years) and working through my self-hate before I could be more honest with myself and they slowly faded out. The self-doubt and self-hate are horrendous. And as you might’ve noticed, my gender identity and understanding HAS continued a lot past when I came out! Then, I thought I was a binary woman, and I was wrong. I was right about never being a man/male, and about being binary!female sometimes, but sometimes I’m not and both binary genders are far away, and I’m genderqueer. And sometimes it gets fuzzy between those two >< So yeah; I definitely still wasn’t sure about this / unaware of it exactly when I first came out, but I knew ‘man’ was just too far away, too wrong, too awful. Though I haven’t dropped the fluid/genderqueer news to all but more trustworthy people thus far, again with the ‘people see vacillation/coming out again/unsureness/nonbinary stuff as a reason to misgender me’ thing.
More general things! So. A big hangup can be (and was for me) the “well, this can’t be, I’m too ____ to be ____”. And it’s clearly bull; there’s no such thing as “[too masculine/too feminine/not masculine enough/not feminine enough/too gendered/not gendered enough] to be [genderqueer/genderless/nonbinary/a man/a woman]!” Same goes with how you dress, style, interests, attractions, mannerisms, body, etc etc etc! These are all good things to know and ask on their own, but aren’t the same as gender identity at all. So. Getting hung up on that sort of thing instead of actual gender identity stuff can definitely be a big barrier.
Also, “well, if I were really ____ I would [want hormones/not want hormones/want surgery/not want surgery/not be okay with this body part/be okay with this body part]!” and voice and hair and frame and so on and so on! Not actually gender identity, also can apply to any gender. SO. Barring those things, which can help indicate but can also DEFINITELY get in the way and confuse, and getting down to gender identity can be pretty difficult! But some general types of questions can help sometimes (they did for me). A lot of unfortunately binary language coming up. “Do I want people to see me as a man? a woman? both? neither?” “Do I want them to think of me as their son/daughter/neither/both? brother/sister/sibling/none/other? aunt/uncle/neither/both?” “Would I want a partner to see me as her boyfriend? girlfriend? neither? both? What about husband? wife? partner? lover? a mix of these? other?” “What if I had kids? Would I want them to know me as their father? their mother? their parent? other? a mix?” “How would I feel walking around if everyone called me him? hir? them? her? sir? ma’am? miss? something else??”
And some more general stuff, but on a slightly different vein! Questions like ‘do I feel like one of the guys can be helpful in some way but ALSO can be misleading. ‘Cause there are lots of guys who are mostly friends with girls, don’t really feel much camaraderie with other men, etc, and vice versa, and various other permutations for the rest of us. And of course they can lead to devaluing our gender based on bigots’ opinions - I often feel ostracized by other (white) women and made to feel emphatically Not Welcome and Not One of Us, but that doesn’t change the fact that I still actually am. I’ve found that feeling commonalities with other women, feeling camaraderie with other women, feeling welcomed/accepted/supported/in-group with other women - and the lack thereof - are related to, but different from, whether I actually AM one, of course. That automatic reaction to ‘women’ or ‘girls’ that makes me assume I’m being talked about, even in the face of the reaction drilled into me while being brought up as a ‘boy/man’ to assume it didn’t. On that note, this is also the area where self-doubt/self-hate taught by cis and binary people can completely obscure you, so! These are actually much harder to answer than the questions above. “When people talk about men/women/others, do I feel like they’re talking about me?” “When people are being grouped up into men, women, etc, which, if any, instinctively feels like the group I’m part of?” “What sort of person would I be happy to see in the mirror?” “Is ‘men’ a word I think I should be a part of? What about ‘women’? ‘boys’? ‘girls’? ‘bois’? ‘grrls’? ‘others’? ‘genderqueer people’? “Do I think I can’t be ____ because it just feels wrong - or because I’ve been raised to believe that people like me can’t be?”
Yeah, those last two are HUGE. Which brings me back to what I was talking about earlier - it’s okay to not know the answer to any or all of these, to be confused, to have doubt, and especially to not know the answer to that last question! And also, as I only briefly mentioned when talking about myself, that some of the answers to these might actually vary at different times! (In my case, questions along the lines of “do you feel that ‘women’ is a group that includes you?” was one that I would’ve said no to long ago due to self-hate/self-doubt/being taught that women have vaginas and whatnot, and was uncomfortable actually answering; now, I’m comfortable answering it to myself, but the ‘real answer’ (as far as I’m aware now!) does actually swing around between ‘yes’ and ‘no’ and ‘kinda’.
So!!!! I’ve just said a TON. But if you want to talk more, I’m email@example.com (and am on a bunch of chat clients other than gchat, if you prefer; feel free to email me your handle and what service it is). And by all means feel free to send asks, I’m glad you did! :D
This was an anon’s ask, but I’m posting it as text for the ‘Let people answer this’ option, in order to get responses for the GOOD nonbinary communities / trans men communities I asked about :) If you know of any you’d recommend to gender-questioning anon, please let me know!
Anonymous said: How would you define your genderqueerness? If possible.
I would take a sheet of paper and draw two little circles with a ‘f’ and an ‘m’ in them, and say “okay, so if this is where male genders are and this is where female genders are, (draw a line between them) then currently I’m - here” and draw an x several feet away from the two circles, orthagonally.
But uh, I’m not sure how conceptually useful that is to anyone else, even though it really clears things up for me??
Basically my genderqueerness is exactly as tautological as any other gender, which makes describing this a bit difficult! So I’ll talk about fluidity instead for a second, just as a basis of comparison.
So, about half the time (it used to be more? idk) I just feel very strongly grouped with other women. I’m just, on some not-really-self-aware level, all ‘yeah this is obviously a group I am part of!’ Whereas another half of the time, it’s just NOPE NOPE NOPE definitely not, I’m off over here somewhere; and I feel pretty separated and very much out-group to women and men, and off in some different fuzzy in-group.
Then a third quarter of the time (hi I study math), I’m some sort of fuzzy mix of the two places, kind of swimming in and out of ‘yes’ being a viable answer to that sort of in-group related question.
(That’s how I conceptualize gender identity, by the way; just a general sort of ingroup/outgroup classifications)
I hope this was elucidating or even slightly comprehensible…